This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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