oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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