How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
