there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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