she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
how does that bad decision feel?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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