were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
be right there i have to get my cape
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
