Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
