I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
