she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
