is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
