I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
