The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
