I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
