Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
