i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
