This girl is more easily done than said...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
