I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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