I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
