someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
