you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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