Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
