im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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