he thought i was a dude.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
