I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
His nipple licking is glorious
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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