bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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