Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
