apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
