After last night, I could never be a politician.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
