I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
