omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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