Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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