it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
