even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
