so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
