Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
