I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
