The maid of honor just puked.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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