definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have already put on my inside pants.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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