I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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