I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
