Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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