Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
