I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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