her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
