Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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