i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i dont even know how to be here
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
