I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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