she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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