Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
