I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize