So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
