How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
