Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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