Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
