I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
