my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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