Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
