she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
