At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
why do cheetos always look like penises
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
