I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
