good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
