So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
