before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
