We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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