The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
