we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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