Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
