my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
