he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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