You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
