I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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